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I hate my sexuality. I hate the power that it gives women over me. I wish I could obliterate my sex drive. My sex drive demands to be satisfied at least 3-4 times a week, but my wife doesn't want it more than once a week. I swear I end up needing to masturbate more than I did when I was single from pure sexual frustration. I have stayed faithful for 10 years of marriage, but sometimes I wonder how the hell I have managed to. I hate it, hate it, hate it, that this craving is always there, like a madness that grips the mind and laughs at my puny attempts to fight it or control it.

Then I hate the older, married woman at my work who just spent the last year flirting with me, completely uninvited, and doing so more and more insitently, constantly touching my arms, hands and shoulders more and more whenever we discussed work, leaning in unnecessarily close to listen to what I was saying, putting her face less than a foot from mine when we were discussing work. Then, after a year of resisting temptation, I once, just once, for a second, gave in to that hated sex drive, and asked you, politely, gently, if it was just me or were you also having trouble concentrating? Then, you had the nerve to act shocked, stand up and walk away without a word!! What is that?!! I never started flirting with you; you started this, you inititated it, you built it up and then when I acknowledge it, you make out like I'm a bad person? Just what kind of a sick game do you women like to play? Is it just to see if you can tease a guy to the point he'll show interest, just for a sport? You're playing with people's serious feelings! Just think about some other human being other than yourself, dammit! If you don't want sexual attention from a man, then don't bloody invite it repeatedly, increasingly for months on end. Now you just leave me feeling like I'm some sort of a jerk for having finally responded to what you were doing. I suppose I should be grateful you didn't make it even worse by filing some phony sexual harassment charge against me, just to add insult to considerable injury.

I hate my wife for pretending she thought I was hot until we were married and then she just stopped trying. How many other men have been conned like this, I wonder? I bet it's a lot. I hate it that I don't feel wanted or loved, but merely tolerated. I hate it that women used to find me attractive and I never abused it, tried to be a good person, had very few partners because I only slept with a woman if I really cared and we were in a long-term relationship. What a load of rubbish all that propaganda is. You women don't really care, you just want to get hitched with a guy with money or the prospect of making it. Well, now I'm making the damn money, I hope it brings you happiness, because it does nothing for me. I will probably just give it all away someday.

Knowing what I know now, I should have been a complete bastard and just slept with any woman who so much as looked at me when there used to be a lot who did.

And I hate my work colleague for playing such a head game with me for her own amusement and hate myself for being so stupid as to have fallen for it.

And finally, I still, fundamentally, hate being a man and hate wanting sex and hate how that makes me manipulable and pathetic. I just hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it!!!!!

Does this resonate with any other intelligent men out there who try to live ethical lives? May 15 1:37 AM MST