link hereI hate people. They are so caught up in stupid vanity, don't give a shit about others. Drop stupid hints but never make it out of the bottom (starting point as WORTHLESS acquaintances). Fuck it, no wonder I withdraw from the world. Now I'm so jaded and bitter I can barely function without everything pissing me off. I remember when everything was exciting, the future was ahead of me! Goals seemed attainable! 3 years down the road and now I can safely say I'm still just as pissed off as I was before, except I got a few pieces of paper that supposedly help you get a job. Relationships/friendships never go anywhere, jobs are short lived (If I even find one, otherwise its out of my hands), education is a stupid pain in the ass with all the unnecessary requirements (Who cares about math?) for whatever you want to major in. The internet is useless, TV is vane and boring, people bitching and I'm just that dumbass nice guy everyone ignores, but they have no problem bitching to me, while voiding anything I say. For all my accumulated knowledge, its almost completely useless. I filled my brain to the brim with crap for no reason whatsoever and have yet to make it out of this hole.. Now I chain smoke until I stop caring and hold back any aggressive feelings towards people for the sake of idiot's egos and societies expectation that someone doesn't deserve getting their asses kicked because of a false sense of morals in a moral less world. Yeah, they set the bar to high for me to ever reach anything. I live in the middle of nowhere, where noone does anything (or wants to with me, most likely, because they're self-centered pricks) and the only way to go somewhere for no reason (It'll just be the same either way) is to spend $$$ on some overpriced liquid to fuel your vehicle. You know where I thought I'd be right now? Probably the same place as everyone else. Job, girl, a few friends, a reasonable amount of accomplishments that actually meant something once you obtained them and a reason to wake up.. My frontal lobe is destroyed thanks to living in perceived madness. Oh I tried changing things, I went all out, I joined the Rescue Squad (Where I miss 90% of the calls, and can barely do anything when I get there anyway, because quite frankly I feel like they treat me like a idiot who can't do the simplest task), 6-month class that was largesly useless socially, certifications, drivers license, it piles up and you finally get them and its underwhelming. Wheres that job that certification was gonna get me? Also what happened to that chick magnet shit? Yeah f-cking right, they go for douchebag jocks everytime, so "FUCK BITCHES GET MONEY" is my newly adopted motto. Usually I'd say that was some lame rap shit that noone should take seriously, but in this case Biggie was right. I thought I found the answer a 1000 times, but I didn't. I never did, just an illusion. Chicks IGNORE ME. I tried everything. I tried the internet, ignore or talk about dumb shit too much. In reality, I try talking and we never get anywhere, not even a platonic relationship. I thought, maybe I don't look good enough. I started shaving and being less lazy, I wore my fancy clothes and sometimes jewelry, reinvented myself with a new haircut, had alot more self-confidence, for a while I even got out of the gutter and had SELF ESTEEM! (Like all those stupid fucking HOW TO GET A GIRL GUIDES tell you to.) And still nothing in that arena. I blame even expecting anything from females on people telling me I'm handsome, cute, etc. and everyone else having a girlfriend. At this point I thought I'd be working too, for a decent pay, but not at something shitty like fast-food either. This was expected because of certifications I gained and expected enhanced opportunity at a job I actually wanted to do. Yeah right, still nothing. My goals? Well I wanted another vehicle, don't get me wrong, I'm happy I even HAVE one, but I thought I'd have a job and be able to support myself more by now, and possible buy my own Used vehicle, even if it wasn't a 50,000$ 2011 vehicle. But no, that didn't happen. I thought the Rescue Squad was better than it actually is, in reality its filled with politics and BS, and Paramedics who think they're hot shit. I got the stupid shit you need to DRIVE THE AMBULANCE! But guess what? I still haven't drove it. So that's pretty much another disappointment to add to the list of shit. Friends? Yeah, they never existed, they're all to caught up in drinking themselves stupid or fucking their BF/GF, or bitching about them, or just too busy (understandable) with college and/or a job, or they fuck me over before we get anywhere or ignore me completely for unknown reasons. The internet? Used to be fun. Now its the same old shit and the supposed friends you can meet ignore me, just like my real life friends, and don't give a shit. I just uninstalled MSN/Windows Live Messenger after 6 or so years of using it, because they're all selfish, don't give a shit, basically every symptom that the people off the internet had (Described earlier). Job? I had one for about a week when things beyond my control forced me to part due to the distance I'd have to travel to the new location. It took me almost a year and 1/2 just to find that job. Driving? Well I finally have the freedom to drive but I need a job to finance the gas. And what would be the point? I can just carpool and save myself the gas and the shame of being by myself because noone wants to do anything with me. And then I'd come home and be stuck in this same cycle of bitching until some or even one of these problems was solved and overshadowed by success. I can barely function anymore, I can't even sleep, it feels like my world is just destroyed and I'll never rise from the ashes. Meanwhile douchebags and ignorant whores watch on and do nothing to make me feel better/support me, or only put up the facade of caring. So I'm by myself, and noone else can be bothered. And everytime I try, I fall. I don't want to fall anymore, I give up. FML. FML. FML.
Jun 4 8:43 PM UTC 
