link hereI hate my parents. I used to at least have one favorite, you know, the one you can turn to when you can't stand the other, but at this point, I'm sick of both of them. My dad's just a lazy ass, one of those old-fashioned bastards who thinks all should have to do is "bring home the bacon while the wife does virtually everything else. He's made my mother miserable, and although I shouldn't think this way, I sometimes feel as I it was may fault she ended up with him. I am the oldest- the first child, the "love child". If I was never born, she would have never stayed with him. At first I thought he was okay, but that was when I younger, and he was basically gone all the time. It wasn't until I had gotten older that I had put together all of the pieces of my early childhood that I realized that she couldn't stand him then either. Seeing other men, and even overdosing on pills in an attempt to kill herself - I remember being at the hospital while she was getting her stomach pumped, but I didn't understand what was going on at the time. I really didn't realize how horrible he was until he actually came to live with us and actually be part of the family.
I hated it. I always (and still do) felt worthless when he was around, and I felt that he was ever really proud of me. I tried for a while to do what he wanted, because I didn't want him to hate me, but at the same time I made myself even unhappier because it was never anything I wanted. Eventually I began breaking away, and he retaliated. He lashed out at everyone in the household, and he acted like he owned everything, when in reality he owned nothing - he is just a broke fucker who has nowhere else to go. He is always so selfish, which makes him a terrible father. Not to mention that he has a terrible temper that he can barely control. Combine that with a really immature attitude, and you have the ultimate recipie for a "failure at life". He's really smart - when I look at his mannerisms sometimes, I can see that his determination and work ethic would have taken him to great places, but he ruined it by acting stupid and not knowing when to control his temper. I used to never really be afraid of him, but ever since he has physically and emotionally harmed me, my mother, and my brother, I can never see him the same ever again. I can honestly say that I have no compassion for him whatsoever.....I truly do hate him for what he has done to our family....
....At the beginning I said
I hated both of them, so I'll explain the other side..... can't forget mom!! My mom, as far as I'm concerned, is the only parent I have. The other asshole can kiss my ass. Yet for the past few months, she has turned into my bitter enemy. All she does now is bitch at me, call me names, and makes me feel like shit. Considering that I had been throught that with asswipe #1, I wasn't about to go through that again, so I became bitter myself, hating her in return. Then out of nowhere she becomes all buddy buddy and nosy as hell. I'm not up for this bipolar shit - either you hate me or you don't. Just because something pissed her off that day (like my dad), she thinks it's mature to bitch at me as if its my fault. If she didn't want to put up with this, then she shouldn't have gotten herself knocked up. Part of me feels bad for thinking this way, but she has become so cold. She complains that we don't care about her, but of course she says this to me - she never bitches at my brother, the "baby". Why should I care? She doesn't give a shit anymore about me! She'll break her fucking back just to get to one of my brother's concerts while she forgets to come to everything I've done this year, even with a goddamn calendar! And she has the nerve to call me ungrateful!!! For the past couple of years, I have rarely asked her for anything- my dad even told me that I need to start speaking up and asking for things I want. But no, I wanted to be considerate of her. But when my senior year comes up and I want to go to prom or these other events that I've never attended because I didn't want to be a burden to you, and suddenly I'm the lousy brat that doesn't care. Well, you're partially right. I don't care - anymore, that is. I'm sick of trying to please you and that lousy motherfucker you call a husband. I'm tired of hating myself when I'm at home, and then going to school and suddenly appreciating the woman I've become. You both were surprised when I won that award last year. Well, guess what - good things do happen when you actually encourage a child rather than restrict,control,and abuse a child. I used to look up to you both, now I just regard you with contempt because I know I can do better. I wasted too much energy and tears trying to get you to care, to actually be proud of me, to actually love me, to not feel like I was just some awful byproduct of a mis-matched pair. For once, I feel okay being selfish, because if I continue caring what you think of me, I'll just turn into one of you, and if that happened, I could never, ever forgive myself.
May 21 3:05 PM MST 
