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Sandra, She used to be my mother now she's my enemy. Everyday I wake and she's found another reason to BLAME me. It's hard to put two and two together, I really struggle to understand what is it I do so horribly wrong. I've been up since Five am, was told I am not allowed to leave the living room, I left while she was asleep. She hasn't stopped screaming for a single moment. for a single week. single month! I do understand ONE thing..she HATES me. she hates everything about me. I cut myself and seeing the blood makes me feel better in some twisted way. I go on a holiday I'm able to drown out the sound of her smashing things. The fear of having nowhere to go and being Kicked out once a month. Sandra is supposed to LOVE me HUG me. I never asked for this life. and IF I could go back to the time when nothing matterd but the kitty pool on Ross. I'd have been a better child. Maybe just maybe IF I was the ideal kid Sandra might have stopped the abuse then and there. Jan 5 3:49 AM MST