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I fuckin hate my bitch, I mean sister. She is so conceited and has no guilt at all. I got to the computer first this one time, because i had to print something. My sister came and said " I need the computer." she kicked me off, And it pissed me off. I let her borrow one of my favorite books in mint condition. She hasn't finished it, but it looks like its been read ten times over.
Once when I was watching tv she came down with her boyfriend and said were going to watch a movie. I said but I'm watching. She said You can wacth with. Bitch I don't want to watch some fuckin porno with you. SO ofcourse she took the tv from me anyway. My mom sees when these things happen to me, even though not all the time. She would give my a most apologenic look.
She always yells at me and picks fights, and HAS to win them. SO this one time when she was yelling at me like the ass she is. I called her a bitch. She chased me and said she would kill me.
She makes her BOYFRIEND cry. She turns thigs around as if someone were trying to call her stupid or piss her off when they were simply asking a question.
So when I let her borrow a book, I didn't like the way she was ruining it. So I took it back and hid it. She ramsacked my room looking for it. I cried.
When I didn't have a computer in my room, I used to use my sisters at night. She would say its too loud until I turned it down so low it switched off. Then she said it was too bright so I turned it away from her. Then she said my clicking was too loud. So she walked up and turned it off. I cried and told mom. She said she was 'pretending to turn it off' Stupid bitch, yeah right.
One Christmas she bought me a diary with a lock. She kept one key to herself. She says my friends are ditzy sluhts who get worst by the generation. YOU FUCKIN BITCH YOU DON"T EVEN KNOW THEM THE WAY I DO!
I am asian, as is she. She only dates chinese boys even though shes not full chinese. We are part white, spanish, chinese, and filipino. So occasionally I would have a crush on a white boy. She would make racist remarks and thinks I'm a cracker for liking white boys. So I went to this school program thing with my bff, we were talking about the hot guys we saw. My sister said why would you like anyone here they're all white. Oh, I forgot 'you like white boys.'
She ruined my self-esteem. Excuse me I don't have any. She called me obese all the time when I was twleve. It made me cry so often I became anorexic when I was thirteen. I lost twenty pounds in just a couple weeks. When My mom noticed this she tried taking me out to eat everyday, and buying things like chocolate cake and chips to leave at home. She would keep begging me not to lose anymore weight. I used to weigh myself after every bite, and I thought I ate too much, I would jump rope for twenty minutes, and ask my mom to take me to the gym.
I'm fine now, but the scars are still on me. Whenever someone calls me pretty or even hot, I would never beleive them. They're lying to me to make me feel better I thought. I still do sometimes even today. I still have days when my outfit is so snug against my body showing every curve, I don't eat to keep my stomach flat.
She used to threaten to kill me in horrific ways. Sometimes following through with it half way. She would hold a chef's knife and smile at me with it clutched her her hands. She once threatened to through me off the banister (of my two story house) and even dragged me to the ledge.
Half of my wardrobe is in her closet right now. Some are so ruined and overstretched I don't take them back. I let her borrow my pink sweatshirt once. When she gave it back it had stretch marks and yellow highlighter all over it.
To make me feel even worst she tries to fit my jeans, and skirts. Bitch, your a size three, I'm a zero. get over yourself. Even though I know she won't fit it, it makes me feel fat because she does try to fit it.
What makes me feel worst of all, she would tell everyone how horrible my friends arer. She goes on myspace to "check them out I suppose." Why does it matter to her? There MY friends! It makes me feel so bad to hear her talk trash about them. She hasn't even met them before. When I would ask my mom to drive my friend and me to a basketball game, my mom says why dont you ask your sister or her bf to take you. So I would. She would say who are we taking. Even though the people I take with me to the games are always different, I would just answer " the one you don't like." It does hurt me to say that. But I have to give in, I can never win a fight.
Beleive me I tried to stand up for them. Its too hard. A seventeen year old beating down a thirteen year old. Its never the other way around. Never.
She makes me feel like a bad person, and sometimes I've heard it so much, I began to beleive I am. Karma's a bitch, it never got around to her. When I was between six through ten, she would be mean to me all the time. I would say one day you'll have no friends! That day has never come. I've been waitng half my life for her to feel pain I've felt. It never did.
People say you win some, and you lose some. I never win. She hurts me so much, I used to try to cut myself. Then when I would drop the knife and begin to cry I would hate myself for being such a coward, and not being able to even prick the tips of my fingers.
I am a thoughtful person. I would always reconsider, and guilt gets to me easily. My sister knows this. I would suffer for the sake of her pleasure, just so that I wouldn't feel guilt before I went to bed. She begged me to borrow ten dollars once. She paid me back in nickels and dimes.
I'm tired of being stepped on, and being left nothing but scraps. I can hardly live like this a day more. But theres nothing I can do about it. I'm just going to lose another fight.
School was my only escape because to everyone I was popular and she was unknown. I got all the compliments and began feeling, pretty. Then one day when my sister picked me up from school she would get out of the car wear her sluht suit, I mean outfit. Everyone ignored me and only talked about her. She always wears mini skirts and halter tops.
My one place was taken from me. I need help someone. Please. I hate her so much. God gave me hell, everyday I ask what did I do to deserve this. Everyday. I need help please, someone to comfort me. I have tried to kill myself more than once. If I die tonight, maybe I will be saved tomorrow...
-Christie Dec 15 3:43 PM MST