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I hate myself because I had an online affair with a girl 30 years younger than me and I got caught up in the belief that I maybe still had some appeal. I was deluding myself and put my family happiness at stake, something I truly care about, and yet was prepared to forego it for a few moments of thrill. I hate myself for throwing my career away and waking in the early hours hating myself for being so stupid. Sometimes I want to just stop but I know that despite my crass stupidity my family still love me. I hate myself because I don't deserve support and yet still receive it from friends and family. Nov 3 4:45 AM MST