link hereI hate that I love alcohol so much.
I hate that one of the things I'm best at is being a high functioning alcoholic.
I hate that I'm a relatively small guy, but I can out drink people twice my size.
I hate that I would get drunk and jokingly (so I told myself) say outloud that alcohol is the best friend I ever had.
I hate that alcohol was the only thing there when I needed a friend.
I hate that it was a friend who, when I went to them for help, bought me my first bottle of alcohol and left me alone with it.
I hate that I wasn't strong enough to give it back.
I hate that now I would choose the bottle over the friend in a heartbeat.
I hate that I've been sober for about 15 days, 1 hour, and 45 minutes at the time of this writing and sobriety doesn't really seem worth it.
I hate that I always looked down on people with a drinking problem in my teenage years.
I hate that inside, I think I'm both proud and ashamed of loving alcohol so much.
I hate that I don't think I can seperate who I am from the alcohol any more. In fact, now that I think about it, I wonder if there is any "me" outside of the bottle?
I hate that the alcohol didn't kill me before I started second guessing myself.
I hate the thought of life without drinking.
I hate that I stopped drinking for a little while for no apparent reason.
I hate that I could end my exile from alcohol with any of the bottle in my liquor cabinet whenever I want.
I hate that I think I want to stay an alcholic for a while longer, but I won't let myself have a drink.
I hate that I don't understand my alcoholism.
May 20 5:24 PM MST