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Dear longterm boyfriend,

I hate the text messages you send me for me to wake up to. They make my dad get off to a really crappy start. They are too slushy and romantic and make me feel sick and be less attracted to you. Any text message with the word 'soul', 'eternity' and 'entwined' should go through a screening process before it reaches me, because you make me want to puke. Oh and furthermore, stop talking about 'the future'. It freaks me out. And i will never marry you either. Or have kids. I have better stuff to do.

P.S I love you. Aug 30 3:10 AM MST